DOMESTICS
God, I really wish this guy would stop calling the front desk begging me to check on his “girlfriend”. You know, one of the worst aspects of working overnight as a concierge is unwittingly getting involved in resident’s domestic disputes. They can range from the semi-comical such as the husband who’d use the door chainlock to keep his wife out of the apartment anytime she’d wash clothes at night. At least once a month this would happen. “We never use the chainlock” she would always say. Damn woman, isn’t that a fucking clue? Maybe you enjoy sleeping on the couch in the resident’s lounge? Or much more dangerous and serious instances, like the guy attempting to rape his foreign non-English speaking, no VISA having, internet ordered wife. Usually they fall into the realm of a couple is fighting, and the not on the apartment lease member getting the boot. The newly homeless (oftentimes, especially the men, have no apartment of their own) begging and pleading with the concierge to “let them in, so we can talk” . Shit this fucker’s calling again. I already told him she didn’t want any guests.
“Hey man. it’s me again. I’m really sorry but I’m really worried about her. Can I just come by? I have the key.”
“No, sir, you can’t. As I told you before, she doesn’t want any guests and I’ll be forced to call the police if you come by. “
“But I have the key”
Listen motherfucker, you ain’t on the lease, you ain’t on the guest’s list. You probably took them on some “You my bitch, hoe, and I can see you whenever I need to bitch” type shit. Man, that’s what I’d like to say. Instead I say..
“Honestly sir, that would be a bad idea especially if she decides to call the police. Do you really wanna explain to them why you are here with her keys after she told me not to let anyone up? She may say you took them. You not being on the lease wouldn’t help either.”
“Yeah, man. you’re right. You’re right. Well…can you go upstairs and knock on the door. Can you use the spare key to enter her apartment and check on her? I’m really concern?”
IS THIS MOTHERFUCKER CRAZY? Enter her apartment with the spare key? First off, a male concierge entering a woman’s apartment in the middle of the night to “check on her because her boyfriend was concern” sounds fucking outlandish. Add in the race factor, (I’m black, she’s white), it would increase the creepiness exponentially. I can see the headlines now “ Creepy older black male concierge lustfully sneaks into young, smart, stunningly attractive white maiden’s apartment in his bestial quest to quench his fetish for white women.” Naw I’ll pass.
“There are privacy laws that prevent me from doing that. I can go knock and see if she answers, but other than that, you’ll have to contact the police.”
“Please do that man, Thanks”
I hang up and sit there waiting until he calls back. I’m going to have to tell management about this shit though. Doubt they’ll do anything. Management only cares when they can issue a fine. No money, well bitch shoulda choose better is their attitude. Here he is calling back for an update.
“Sorry man no luck. Contact the police if you’re really worried”
“Thanks man, but she’ll hate me if I do that. I get it. I get it. Thanks anyway.”
The next night I see her. They must have spoken because she comes to the desk apologizing.
“I’m so sorry. That’s so embarrassing. I promise you, he’s never coming over here again”
“Ok” as I think to myself “sure lady, sure”
And who’s back the next night. Homeboy. And what does he say to me as she goes to check her mailbox in the package center. “I got that good dick, dude you didn’t know” winking and smiling. Motherfucker.
